Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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