I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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