Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
