At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Randomize
