Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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