Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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