Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
