Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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