Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
