Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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