party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
