I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
