I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
