One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Randomize
