if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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