I hate your face
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
