just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
