Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
