he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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