I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize