Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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