dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
