Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
