maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
