My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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