just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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