the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
