i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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