I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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