i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
