No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
