You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
