mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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