would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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