good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
