i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Mom said you looked used
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
