drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Found your dick twin last night
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
