finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
