Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
organizing the empties. That sober.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
