Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize