Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
