Only a mothe r could love this liver
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize