I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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