Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
