What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
being pregnant is like rehab
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
