the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize