His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
