I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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