Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize