question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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