I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
