Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize