I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Congratulations! We have a period
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
