and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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