OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
