I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
