sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize