So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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