That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
