the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
