The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
