I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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