I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
You're like the curious george of whores
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
