I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize