We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my mouth tastes like poor choices
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
