Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Is it because I queefed?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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