i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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