Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
