oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
