If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
