I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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