We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
