New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
