she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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