Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
