Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
