I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
