WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
