Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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