Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
