I haven't been this sober since birth.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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