butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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