I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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