I want you more than these girls want KFC
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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