She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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