Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
