So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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