i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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