so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
