did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
